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These Dildos Are Recording Orgasms These Dildos Are Recording Orgasms

Oh look what the Brave New World of dildo engineering has wrought. Humanity’s uncontrollable lust for dildos that are smarter, faster, more connected, more social, more mobile, more, even, human, has gone horribly wrong. Technology has spun out of control. This is the bellwether of doom. The dildos are recording your…

In the Market for an Ivory Victorian Dildo?  In the Market for an Ivory Victorian Dildo? 

Of course you are, who isn’t?

Counterpoint: Sending Dildos to Ammon Bundy Is Good  Counterpoint: Sending Dildos to Ammon Bundy Is Good 

In one of the absolute worst takes I’ve ever seen in my life, Alyssa Rosenberg at the Washington Post wrote a piece titled “Stop sexually harassing Ammon Bundy and his fellow Oregon occupiers.” In it, she takes a hard look at the extremely good wave of bathos foisted upon the Oregon militia in the form of bulk-mailed…

The Mystery of the Nantucket Whalers' Wives and Their Alleged Love of Dildos  The Mystery of the Nantucket Whalers' Wives and Their Alleged Love of Dildos 

So, did the women married to perpetually absent nineteenth-century Nantucket-based whalers all own dildos dubbed “he’s at homes” or what? Turns out that’s a complicated question.

UT-Austin Students Protest Open Carry Law By Strapping Dildos to Their Bags UT-Austin Students Protest Open Carry Law By Strapping Dildos to Their Bags

Texas students are protesting months-old legislation that allows you to carry a gun on campus by highlighting what you can’t carry: a dildo.

Put Your Dead Lover's Ashes In A Dildo With the '21 Grams' Memory Box Put Your Dead Lover's Ashes In A Dildo With the '21 Grams' Memory Box

The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. For dealing with death of a lover, designer named Mark Sturkenboom has developed an item that attempts to make that final stage a little easier: a blown-glass dildo that also happens to be a beautiful gold-plated urn. You know, for…

Archaeologists Unearth 18th Century Dildo Archaeologists Unearth 18th Century Dildo

Hey, are you a time traveler missing a 250-year-old dildo? Because some Polish archaeologists found it. They're probably not gonna give it back.

Man Sets House on Fire While Trying to Boil His Dildos Clean Man Sets House on Fire While Trying to Boil His Dildos Clean

Here's a cautionary tale for your Tuesday: Be very careful when cleaning your marital aids, you may just set your entire house (and the internet) on fire and then everyone will remember you as "the dude who burned down a house cleaning objects he pushed up his butt." And that kind of title is going to stick with you.…

Holiday Gifts Made Easy: Print a Dildo at UPS Holiday Gifts Made Easy: Print a Dildo at UPS

It's the day after Thanksgiving, which means that it's time to start thinking about Christmas. And if the people that matter to you don't have an Amazon wish list, you might consider doing all of your shopping at UPS, where you can now have a dildo 3D printed for you.

PSA: Treat Your Guns Like You'd Treat Your Dildos PSA: Treat Your Guns Like You'd Treat Your Dildos

No matter how sex-positive the parent, nobody wants her kids finding mommy's trove of sex toys. Vibrators are locked away or at least hidden in the very back of the closet, completely inaccessible. As this PSA points out, you should probably display the same level of diligence about guns.

The Future is Now: You Can Design and 3D Print Your Very Own Dildo The Future is Now: You Can Design and 3D Print Your Very Own Dildo

It has become very clear over the course of history that the dildo is truly pinnacle of technological determinism as we know it. YAASSS GAGA.

Ladies Demand Girth, Not Length, From Their One-Night Stands Ladies Demand Girth, Not Length, From Their One-Night Stands

A major setback for smarmy dudes who like to brag about the length of their erect cocks: Ladies prefer girth, rather than sheer inches. Sorry, smarmy dudes.

Norwegian Fisherman Finds Large Dildo in Fish Norwegian Fisherman Finds Large Dildo in Fish

A fisherman got an extra special surprise in his daily catch last week.

Hold the Phone: Walgreens Is Selling a ZOMBIE DILDO Hold the Phone: Walgreens Is Selling a ZOMBIE DILDO

The walking dead could be heading into your orifices right now! PLEASE NOTE: This undead dong is NSFLOU (not safe for living or undead).

Celebrate Halloween With a 'Cunt Dracula' Dildo Celebrate Halloween With a 'Cunt Dracula' Dildo

Are you looking for a more highbrow sexual experience? Do your ladyparts crave the feeling of enveloping a miniature version of the human form? Are you tired of using the old Wet Dreamhouse Barbie to get off? Then have we got something for you. Introducing Masturpieces, a new limited edition line of dildos…

Meet The Dildomaker: Exactly What You Think it Is Meet The Dildomaker: Exactly What You Think it Is

Ever had the overwhelming urge to turn a carrot into a phallus? I sure have! LADIES? RIGHT, LADIES? As if emergency rooms aren't already filled with unfortunate vegetable-in-delicate-places mishaps, your dream might become a reality if this conceptual design is snatched up by some intrepid entrepreneur. And while I…

It's Thursday: Why Not Make a Custom Dildo of Your Dong? It's Thursday: Why Not Make a Custom Dildo of Your Dong?

Is your dick so glorious that you think it needs a twin-dick? Well then I have the event for you! Right now in New York City, 3Dea is happening, a popup store/printing lab that shines a light on the art of 3D printing. The gist of it: You can get pretty much anything printed in 3D, including your penis. Yay,…

The Remote-Controlled Vibrator Is, Um, Coming The Remote-Controlled Vibrator Is, Um, Coming

"Reach out and touch someone." If you're over 40, that phrase probably summons memories of the legendary Bell System commercials from the late ‘70s, inviting folks to call up distant friends and "just say hi." Touch was the watchword of the iconic ad campaign, promising that the sound of a loved one's voice was almost…

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